Communicating about Sex: Starting the Conversation

Posted in: COMMUNICATION, SEX, Uncategorized freeimage-4753775-high

<the following has been prepared for icanrelate by one of the project’s fabulous youth advisors>

Communicating about sex is hard! If there’s something you want in bed, but aren’t sure how your partner will respond, talking about it can be scary.

 Here are 3 ways to start that conversation that I have found helpful.

1. Positive reinforcement.

Next time your partner does something you like, try telling them how much you like it. (During sex, you can do this using sounds and body language instead of words, which might be easier.) If they did something close to what you want but didn’t quite get there, you can say something like, “It was so hot when you did ‘x.’ Maybe next time you can try doing ‘y,’ too. That would make it even hotter.” Couching your request in a compliment lessens the chance of your partner getting offended by your request.

2. Media hint.

Whatever you want to bring up with your partner, there’s a piece of media depicting it somewhere: maybe a photo, porn scene, or erotica story online. You can show it to your partner and gauge their reaction. If they seem to react positively, that’s a good time to bring up the idea of trying out that particular activity together.

3. Online quiz. is a two-person sex quiz where you and your partner separately rate a bunch of sexual activities, ranging from vanilla to kinky. For each activity, you can choose “Yes,” “No,” “We already do that,” or “Only if my partner is interested.” When both of you have filled out the quiz, it will give you your results, but it’ll only list the things that both of you expressed interest in. This means you won’t have to endure embarrassment if you checked “Yes” on something your partner has no desire to do. It’s the perfect low-risk way to come up with new things to try together!

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