Challenging Three Things about Monogamy and Sex


Here are a few widely held beliefs about sex and monogamy I’d like to challenge:

  • Monogamous sex is more meaningful and pleasurable than casual sex and one night stands. Monogamous relationships are highly valued and casual sexual encounters are often devalued. Some people believe that one night stands are something to get out of your system before settling down into a monogamous relationship.  Just because we know someone or love them, doesn’t mean we sexually connect. Monogamy doesn’t guarantee good sex. Casual sex and/or one night stands can be pleasurable, joyous, (positively) challenging and a great opportunity to work on your sexual communication skills.


  • Masturbation is only for single people. Expecting your partner to meet all of your sexual and pleasure needs is a tall order. Each of us is responsible for meeting our own sexual needs and desires. Masturbation is something to enjoy by ourselves whether we are single or have a partner. Some people really enjoy masturbating with their partners.


  • Monogamous sexual partners don’t need sex toys because they should be able to have great sex without them. People use sex toys for the fun of it – not because they aren’t able to pleasure their partners. Some people find sex toys enhance their sexual connections and pleasure.
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