Because everyone is different and constantly changing, there’s not just one way to be “good” at sex. But, to start, ask yourself these questions. You might figure out where you’re a star, and where there’s room to improve.
Do you know and like yourself? How do you feel about your body, your sexual desires, your desirability? Do you masturbate (It’s definitely ok to choose not to. But just for the record, masturbation is a good, healthy way to know yourself)? Are you open to learning and unlearning? Are you sex-positive? A good lover works to know and appreciate themselves. You don’t have to be an egomaniac. We’re talking about a realistic, positive sense of self.
Do you communicate well about sex? Are you open to sharing how you feel, what you want and like? Do you feel comfortable expressing needs, negotiating wants? A good lover is assertive, which means you can talk about stuff clearly and respectfully, without compromising yourself or bulldozing the other person. Being a good lover also means you are you, and that you show up.
Are you responsive to your partner? Do you pay attention? Are you listening with your ears, eyes, and all the other senses? Do you engage fully, do you know that sex is more than just intercourse? Are you connected with your partner? Even a one-night stand can be a connected, present experience. Great sex is like a conversation. You can’t just plan what you’re going to say and blab it all out at someone!
So, are you good? There’s no way to know aside from asking. But you can bet that working on these things will make you better, no matter what.Report This